Professor Hobo

Tough Guy: “Whether or not you stay or you go, it doesn’t matter—you’re already dead.”

Me: “Did you poison me?”

Annoyed Tough Guy: “What?  No.”

Still Me: “Am I Bruce Willis?” ↓ Read the rest of this entry…

It seems to me that our culture is moving to a Super Bowl mentality.  More everyday people seem like cogs in a PR machine, each touting every action as some grand shared accomplishment.  Below are several accomplishments that should never be assumed shared.

1. “We won the Super Bowl last year, and we’re going to do it again!”

No, a team won the Super Bowl.  You did not help.  Unless you were on the field, you claim no credit in this. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…

This may sound strange, but I wish my enemies were more competent.  A statement like this, of course, raises a couple of perfectly valid questions.

First, how do I know my enemies are not competent?  If they were, don’t you think I’d be dead by now?  I’m not talking people who simply don’t like me.  Over the years I’ve accumulated plenty of those through school, work, family reunions, etc.  But those people, at worst, simply have a passing interest in my personal failings—not an active role.  Real enemies should want to personally see to my destruction, and frankly, they’re slacking on the job. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…

Now that Christmas has passed I can write more freely about the shopping process.  In particular, the process of shopping for my wife.  See, while Santa might give parents a break, childless married men are left to fend for themselves in shopping for their wives.  Worse, without children we’re expected to devote extra thought to our wives’ gifts.  This is our story.

Upon arriving in Pittsburgh I realized my Christmas buffet of presents perhaps wasn’t quite up to measure yet with the parade of boxes from Amazon.com being delivered to my wife.  She’d nonchalantly point out that just because she had ordered a lot of boxes didn’t mean there would be a lot of presents, but if memory serves Amazon isn’t in the business of piecemeal presents.  I was worried.  So off to the Waterfront and Shadyside shopping districts I go. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…

Compiling a list of the ten best of anything is always a bit of a leap in the dark. For example, list the ten best golfers in the world today and do you include Tiger Woods? Two months ago that was a no-brainer, but in the middle of his self-imposed break is he still as competitive as ten of the other best players? Despite how it seemed, Tiger never won every tournament he entered at the height of his game. And now?

Top ten lists fall victim of the flux of time. What’s an acclaimed film now loses some stature over time until it merely becomes a footnote—beloved by some, forgotten by more. Then there’s the question of how anyone can judge the best of something without experiencing all of it? If I were to make a list of the ten best films of the year I would have to sheepishly admit to having not yet seen critical darlings such as Precious or An Education, both of which I look forward to viewing. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…