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Signs you did not win the Super Bowl

It seems to me that our culture is moving to a Super Bowl mentality. More everyday people seem like cogs in a PR machine, each touting every action as some grand shared accomplishment. Below are several accomplishments that should never be assumed shared.

1. “We won the Super Bowl last year, and we’re going to do it again!”

No, a team won the Super Bowl. You did not help. Unless you were on the field, you claim no credit in this.

2. “We’re having a baby.”

No, she’s having a baby. No man should ever claim ownership of this action. “We” may have gotten her pregnant, but your part of the process stopped there.

3. “We’re going to take back Washington!”

No, we’re going to stay home in Tulsa, or Spokane (in which case we’ve already taken Washington), or Mobile. You go take Washington, but I’ll have no part in it. I may vote for you, however.

4. “We’re all in this together.”

No, we’re not, or at least not most of the time. You’ll hear people use this in reference to tragedies, such as the recent earthquake in Haiti. They mean that we should help one another because life is rough and we all need help from time to time. Fine, then say that.

5. “We should look into this.”

No, Gill in accounting should. Business types use this, but what they really mean is one low-level peon will get stuck with the task that they will half-heartedly do it. The resulting report? Lost to the wind.