Kentucky is not exactly a healthy place to live


I love my home state of Kentucky, but I can’t say I’m surprised to discover it tops an index for unhealthiest behavior.  I’m not exactly sure what they mean by unhealthy behavior, but I have a few guesses.

People in Kentucky love to run around in the woods with guns.  They often do this early in the morning at or just before dawn.  This doesn’t strike me as particularly healthy behavior.

Tobacco is a huge cash crop in Kentucky, and part of harvesting it requires one to fire cure or “smoke” it.  This basically means that each fall the air of Kentucky is clogged with the aroma of burning tobacco.  Assuming the whole uproar over secondhand smoke isn’t just some conspiracy propagated by AnheuserBusch to get us to drink more instead of smoking, I’d say it classifies as an unhealthy behavior.

The mere threat of snow is enough to spend most of my statesmen (though not actually a state) running for their local grocery store.  Once inside the friendly confines of a Kroger, or more likely a Super Wal-Mart, they begin buying in a sort of stupefied panic state.  If that sounds contradictory to you, then it’s only because you haven’t witnessed it in purpose.  Safely back home, Kentuckians watch as the snow passes them by and they’re left with twelve gallons of milk they must consume in the next week and a half.  This is unlikely healthy behavior.

Winter months tend to be sedentary for most of the population, but in Kentucky this is doubly so.  Rounds of up and down from the couch to the window monitoring of snow are replaced by long motionless periods spent on couches watching the Kentucky Wildcats play ball.  Occasionally a turnover leads to someone standing long enough to throw a camouflaged hat to the ground.  This is most certainly not healthy behavior.

So yes, Kentucky is full of unhealthy behavior.  Thankfully, their lack of shoes keeps them from reaching a newspaper reporting this story, and even if they did stumble across one, they couldn’t read the infernal contraption.  Silly Kentucky.


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