Dear Asshole on the Internet


The following is in response to the viral article “Dear Mom On The iPhone”. You have probably seen it pop up in your Facebook news feed–perhaps while browsing on your iPhone or, gasp, Android (don’t even get me started about those Windows Phone 8 jerks). Anyway, it’s one of those uniquely asinine posts that deserve a response. Yes, the heart may be in the right place, but certainly the content doesn’t follow it. You can read the original article here, and the response below.

Dear Asshole on the Internet,

I see you over there on the bench, smugly judging me. Yes, I am on my iPhone. Unfortunately, I find myself having to respond to self-righteous, judgemental, arrogant, arses like you. My kids can wait–you cannot.

See, my son just threw a plate of spaghetti on his sister’s head not more than an hour ago. That meant I had to jerk them up from the restaurant, drive home, bathe her, then redress her, and I didn’t even get to finish my meal (no need for Jenny Craig here).

Of course, going out to eat is such a treat for them that they were both very upset (my son more so because he received a harsh scolding, without the help of any apps). So I brought them here to the park, that the day might not feel like such a total wash.

As they played I thought I might sneak in a few “me” moments. And by “me” I mean meeting. You see, I have a job. I have to. Condescending know-it-alls, such as yourself, refuse to pay taxes for preschool and healthcare and longer maternity leave and daycare and a whole slew of other things. That means my husband and I need a two income household. Of course, he recently lost his job so that a manufacturer could produce cheaper goods to sell you at Target.

So now we’re a one income family and I am that income. I work on weekends, such as today, so that my kids can have fun flourishes like a lunch out and mommy taking them to the park. But, of course, you know better. You’re an asshole on the Internet.


Mom on the iPhone


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