When I was a kid we had detached garage that had at one point been a barn. In other words, it was quite large. Feral cats would move into it to birth kittens, and then we’d be stuck with not only feral cats, but feral kittens. My mom was big on trying to tame the [...]
I love my home state of Kentucky, but I can’t say I’m surprised to discover it tops an index for unhealthiest behavior. I’m not exactly sure what they mean by unhealthy behavior, but I have a few guesses.
People in Kentucky love to run around in the woods with guns. They often do this early in [...]
Wasn’t it great when Taylor Swift had a pitchy performance on the Grammys? That’ll show that young woman not to write her own music and connect with millions of fans. Jerk.
It might surprise you to hear that I detest snarkiness. My wife and I currently subscribe to four magazines—The New Yorker, The Week, ESPN the [...]
What qualifies as normal is one of the great mysteries of life. Everyone has little quirks that they’re just not that sure of. For example, do other men shave first before showering? I do, but if everyone else doesn’t I suppose it makes me abnormal.
The reflex is to shout, “There is no normal!â€Â You know [...]
Tough Guy: “Whether or not you stay or you go, it doesn’t matter—you’re already dead.â€
Me: “Did you poison me?â€
Annoyed Tough Guy: “What? No.â€
Still Me: “Am I Bruce Willis?â€
It seems to me that our culture is moving to a Super Bowl mentality. More everyday people seem like cogs in a PR machine, each touting every action as some grand shared accomplishment. Below are several accomplishments that should never be assumed shared.
1. “We won the Super Bowl last year, and we’re going to do [...]
This may sound strange, but I wish my enemies were more competent. A statement like this, of course, raises a couple of perfectly valid questions.
First, how do I know my enemies are not competent? If they were, don’t you think I’d be dead by now? I’m not talking people who simply don’t like me. Over [...]
Now that Christmas has passed I can write more freely about the shopping process. In particular, the process of shopping for my wife. See, while Santa might give parents a break, childless married men are left to fend for themselves in shopping for their wives. Worse, without children we’re expected to devote extra thought to [...]
Compiling a list of the ten best of anything is always a bit of a leap in the dark. For example, list the ten best golfers in the world today and do you include Tiger Woods? Two months ago that was a no-brainer, but in the middle of his self-imposed break is he [...]
Christmas shopping is the worst. It’s a slow, drawn out death by degrees. It’s a solid month of trolling through malls and web pages searching for that one certain gift that won’t make someone resent you for a whole more year. Bah humbug.
“But surely you can see that you’ve lost the true meaning of Christmas,” [...]
