Cereal Killer


I am a huge fan of sugared cereal. In fact, I’m not sure things without sugar deserve to be called cereal. I suppose they’re basically porridge.

I like Froot Loops, Lucky Charms, and assorted other cereals that will surely give me a heart-attack before I’m 40. I’m guessing the fruit in Froot Loops is misspelled for legal reasons, since they contain nothing remotely close to fruit.

↓ Transcript
BEARD: Have you ever noticed how children's cereals have disturbing mascots?

BEARD: Like one is a leprechaun, which are almost always evil. Another is a tiger that could easily eviscerate a child. One is a captain, but he sails under no flag. You know what that means? Pirate! And don't even get me started on the vampire, ghost, and Frankenstein's monster.

HOBO: You're ruining my cereal.
BEARD: I like telling students that Snap, Crackle, and Pop were in a polyamorous relationship.


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