Vague Facebook status updates just about ruin it for me. Even worse, some people I really like are the worst offenders. Look, if it’s too personal to post about in any detail, then it’s probably too personal to post about even vaguely. Not everything has to be shared. Except crabs. You should probably let others know you’re afflicted. For safety reasons.
AMANDA: Updating my Facebook status.
MEGAN: Why not just say you got a summer job at Red Lobster?
AMANDA: Updates are better if they're vague. Then people will ask you about them and give you attention!
JIMMY: What do you guys think Amanda means when she says, "Guess who has crabs?"