I notice that whenever someone begins talking about their extended family they either state things like third cousin twice removed with the kind of confidence that would make you think they had a doctorate in familial relationships, or they stutter their way through with a look of desperate hope that someone might know better than them their own family. I simply revert to calling everyone my cousin. I am from Kentucky, after all.
BEARD: Why don't you just admit you have no clue? Nobody has a clue! Anyone who states someone is a third cousin is simply bluffing. It's like doing calculus in your head. No one will ever call you on it because they have no clue themselves.
BEARD: We're all just a bunch of liars!
KLOWNUS: Especially my fourth cousin Helene!