I’ve attended several graduations, and this is unfortunately how most of them go. THis should not come as a surprise, seeing as how we don’t generally choose commencement speakers based on their oratory skills, but instead based off life achievement. This is sort of like choosing a relief pitcher based off who has the best hair.
HORSE: You must remember to hear, and not just listen. You must go out there and do, and not simply exist.
BEARD: You must endure platitudes, and not intake wisdom.
HOBO: You must abide inane drivel, and not just receive your diploma.