Master of the House
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Master of the House

I once saw a university with not only a football field, and not only a practice field, but also a warm-up field and conditioning field. I think the football team was literally running around campus just placing their names on any patch of grass. What fun.

↓ Transcript
CZAR: As far as I can tell from these budget reports, the school of education is bankrupting this university.
BEARD: Really? There's certainly other areas we could cut. What about the football team's new amphitheater?

CZAR: It's too long those lazy future-teachers have been bleeding this university dry.
BEARD: I mean, seriously, what is the football team going to do with it anyway? Put on a full-contact production of Les Mis?

CZAR: Of course, first I'll need to bargain with them to collectively break their professional fraternity's charter.
BEARD: What am I thinking? Who would buy an uprising by the people in this day and age?