If you’re desperate enough in academia, there’s always a way to get something published. Sure, there’s outright cheating through a vanity press. However, many overlook the tried and true method of writing something that sounds academic, but is so vague that no one understands exactly what it means. Everyone is too embarrassed to admit they don’t know, so it goes on to get a writeup in The New York Times. Or something like that.
BEARD: "Quantum-Realities in a Post-Race America: Neo-Feminism and the Dawn of the Treader"?
HOBO: What does that even mean?
KLOWNUS: Who cares? They need stuff to sell, and I need to publish, or else perish.
BEARD: This is just one of the Chronicle of Narnia books with random Tina Fey, Chris Rock, and Brian Greene quotes thrown in.
HOBO: He's got a point, God probably does hate the weight of atomic particles on single, black mothers.