Dinosaurs are the best prank ever

What if dinosaurs were just a prank? No, this is not some Creationist ranting, but a genuine question about our Jurassic buddies. Have you ever seen a dinosaur? In a museum? Those aren’t real dinosaurs–they’re just bones! And most of the time they’re not even the real bones but castings of the supposed actual bones. It’s not a fair question, ... Read More »

Welcome to middle age

Less than a week ago when I turned thirty I didn’t realize I had reached middle age. Then I thought about it. Let this be a lesson kids, nothing good ever came of neurons firing. What really jumpstarted this feeling was the trailer for the A Nightmare on Elm Street remake. I was sitting in a theater when it popped ... Read More »

Death panels are the clear solution to health care

There’s been a lot of noise lately about health care in this country, and frankly I’m getting a little sick from it.  I thought about consulting my physician, but debate drain is not covered under my HMO.  And yes, that is the quality of joke I think this whole debate deserves. I am routinely mystified by the manipulation of language ... Read More »

Where is my food pellet?

I’m going to be blunt here–I need my food pellet. My cats never beat around the bush when it comes to food, and why should I? I need my dehydrated, condensed, food-product-pill supplement and I need it now! Surely science fiction hasn’t misled me, again? Watch a few films about the future and you’ll notice the disturbing trend that all ... Read More »

Calves of intolerable cruelty

I just removed a pack of ice from my lower leg. While normally this might be part of my “Attract Single Eskimo Women Night” plans, unfortunately tonight it was part of my “Ouch, Ouch, Stop Hurting Every Time I Apply Pressure” plan. While less fun, my wife seems to approve of the latter (might I add, more punishing) plan. I ... Read More »

The Internet is weird

The Internet is weird. There, I said it. We were all thinking it. Yes, even you Uncle Carlos. You know who doesn’t think the Internet is weird? Twelve-year-old boys. And nerds. And especially nerdy twelve-year-old boys. For them the Internet is a wonderful, endless I.V. drip straight to their collective Id. For the rest of us, though? Yeah, completely Batman’s ... Read More »

In defense of marriage

I don’t know if you’ve been paying attention, but apparently marriage is under attack in this country. No, not by aliens or sea beasts, but by the type of people who shop at Crate and Barrel. Now, don’t get me wrong—those who shop at Crate and Barrel are people just like anyone else, but that doesn’t mean they should be ... Read More »

You say it’s your birthday

Today is my nephew Gus’ birthday. My gift to him is the focus of a post in this blog that he doesn’t even read. It’s the thought that counts, so it should be readily apparent to him now not to count on much thought when it comes to me. Birthdays are odd things (except every other year when they’re even). ... Read More »

Catatonic church

I’m sitting here watching my cats fight one another. Not actually fight, like in a manner that would make Michael Vick blush with pride, but sissy slap at one another. Since both cats arrived declawed from the pound, this equals good, clean, safe fun for all involved. Except maybe the cats. Having pets makes you realize that Pokemon games are ... Read More »

Mr. Mittens in real life

One of the common complaints against cartoons and comics is the way they distort character features.  For example, some people complain that Peanuts is ridiculous once one puts any thought into it because Charlie Brown as a real person would have to have a four foot tall head to keep his proportions in line, and therefore wouldn’t be able to ... Read More »