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Tag Archives: Chickentopia

Free Range Chicken

I once stood in line behind a couple at Dairy Queen who had about 20 questions about the shrimp they were considering ordering. It’s fast food people. I doubt the 16-year-old kid has any idea. If you care that much, go to a nice restaurant. ↓ TranscriptMOTHER: Does your chicken contain hormones? CZAR: Your guess is as good as mine. ... Read More »

Chicken Strips Vs. Chicken Tenders

Chicken strips, chicken tenders, boneless chicken wings, popcorn chicken, chicken nuggets, etc. I assume are all the same thing. I know the argument is probably that they come from different parts of the chicken, but since I don’t know what part of a chicken is the “popcorn” I’m going to assume it’s all just a ruse. ↓ TranscriptGRANDMA: I'd like ... Read More »

Fry Cook

Doing any job well requires some level of expertise and professionalism, but some jobs have basic rules that you absolutely must abide by. I imagine fry cook is one such job. ↓ TranscriptCZAR: Since the Board of Regents fired me, I need a new job. BILLY: What do you know about being a fry cook? CZAR: I assume don't dip ... Read More »

The Trouble With Girls

There’s a very select group of males who think this way. Sure, every male thinks “It’s her, not me” at some point, but there’s a very select group who think this way all the time. They’re insufferable. ↓ TranscriptPANDER: Hey Billy, did you ask that girl out? BILLY: Yeah, but she said no. PANDER: It's okay, man. You know, girls ... Read More »

Free Gun With Kids’ Meal

Remember, only you can prevent sudden gunshots that there are no warning signs of…with another gun. Guns solve everything, including fixing the tilt of the earth’s axis. Actually, this isn’t meant anti-gun (nothing wrong with hunting), but anti the silly idea that guns can protect us in bizarre expected situations. ↓ TranscriptKID: Pander Bear, check it! I got a gun ... Read More »

Chick-fil-A Versus Pander Bear

We don’t really have too much of a stake in the whole Chick-fil-A battle. People can certainly choose to eat somewhere or not for whatever reasons they want. But come on, it’s a little silly to feel smug over which fast food place you eat at. This is like people feeling smug for shopping at Target over Walmart. ↓ TranscriptMANAGER: ... Read More »

Fast Food Games

There’s trade-offs involved in any profession. People envy the lawyer making $200 an hour, but rarely the hours he or she puts in. Being President of the United States sounds like it has its perks, until you note how much they all age in even a four year term. Being a cartoonist even has lots of negatives, but I’ll have ... Read More »

Practicality of Education

Before you think this is just another zany plot line, there are many people out there with PhDs working fast food places like Chickentopia. Why? I’m not 100% sure. Sometimes they simply can’t find a job, anywhere. Others can’t find a job in the right location or at the right school they want. Still, they’re not alone. You’d be surprised ... Read More »

Fast Food Physics

Remembering that a situation could always be worse is pretty good advice. It helps prevents situations like this where you complain to someone who actually does have it worse. I’m not saying this is autobiographical or anything, but this pretty much happens to me at least once a week. I should shut up. There’s just something funny to me about ... Read More »


↓ TranscriptBILLY: Man, ten hours in the car. I've got to hit the bathroom before I eat anything. "Employees, remember to wash hands before returning to work." BILLY: Can you remind your cooks to please cook my chicken? I'd also like my fries fried if you can remind them. You know, since it seems to be an issue. Read More »