Posts Tagged ‘intelligence’

3 results.

Trading brains for love

by Justin on February 25, 2010 at 11:54 am
Posted In: Blog

When I was a kid we had detached garage that had at one point been a barn.  In other words, it was quite large.  Feral cats would move into it to birth kittens, and then we’d be stuck with not only feral cats, but feral kittens.  My mom was big on trying to tame the kittens, so we’d take a saucer out to the garage and fill it with milk.  The kittens would eventually creep out to it, and with time they wouldn’t even mind if you sat nearby watching them.  That’s how we tamed cats—with a trap.

I mention this, because I’m starting to think my wife views me as nothing more than a big blonde kitten.  Part of my suspicion stems from the saucer of milk I find bedside every morning, but a bigger part comes from the questions she poses casually to me.  Here’s a hint—they’re traps.  We all know the standard line that a wife asks her husband if a certain dress makes her look fat, but all but the dumbest of us see right through that one.  Look, even if the dress has a pattern of a school bus on it, we’re not saying anything. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…

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Better without sleep than with, but not smarter

by Justin on November 24, 2009 at 7:43 am
Posted In: Blog

I long ago gave up on the delusion that anything about me was remotely unique. Instead, I cast this out there as a sort of digital fishing line to find like-bodied individuals. Do you ever find yourself being better when you’ve had no sleep?

Last night I got basically no sleep. Today I taught three classes and had one faculty meeting and, as far as I can tell, all went swimmingly. Of course, this may simply be my sleep deprived brain trying to rationalize the day’s events and positive thoughts require less imagination than horribly negative ones. In that case, this must be what it’s like to be stupid.

I know I sound quite the elitist, but hear me out. I am not saying normally I’m a genius. That’s ridiculous, because no one can verify that until I get my Mensa test scores back. Moreover, who better to judge my lack of genius ability than myself? All I need to do is examine the multiple bumps and bruises I’ve suffered from walking into walls in my own house to know that I’m likely not the smartest person in the world. If I were, what the hell are the rest of you people doing? You must have triage units set up in your laundry rooms.

Having said all that, however, I don’t normally think of myself as stupid. But do stupid people think of themselves as stupid? Sure, we’ve all heard someone say, “I’m stupid at math.” But doesn’t being self aware enough to diagnose such a limitation imply the opposite of stupidity? Isn’t really stupid the person who goes around bragging about their math ability, when surely they’re on the low end of the scale?

This is why I resist any self-congratulatory moments. That’s just stupid sneaking up on me.

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Car shopping as a measure of intelligence

by Justin on November 17, 2009 at 3:32 pm
Posted In: Blog

I bought a car this past weekend. Actually, my wife and I bought a car this past weekend. But since I rarely drive (except slow on the driveway every Saturday), it is mostly a purchase for her.

The process of buying a car is equivalent to having root canal work done on the back of a camel while riding through It’s A Small World at Disney. We should probably just load every terrorist from Guantanamo Bay onto a boat and send them to the nearest car dealership. If every day is the endless process of car buying, you’ll really start to view us as the Great Satan (or Saturn, take your pick). Regardless, the process isn’t enjoyable in the least.

Our experience was better than most, I suppose. The dealership was one of those “no negotiation” setups, so we had already price checked it before even going to look at it. Even after using the mighty Internet to check prices, I’m still certain we got ripped off. I think everyone feels this way when buying a car. No matter how friendly the salesperson, you’re fairly certain they’re up to something. Oddly, I don’t feel this same way when purchasing celery from my local grocer, and that guy is a hell of a lot creepier.

One explanation might be that, in general, we know very little about the way cars are priced or what any of their features mean. I think my new car has something on it called ODO Trip, but I have little clue what that button does. Worse yet, I’m afraid to push it. If it does mess something up I have to head all the way back to the dealership so they can rub in the fact that I am completely clueless about the thing I just paid them my non-existent child’s future college tuition for.

Basically, I bought a car. So yeah, I’m an idiot.

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