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Tag Archives: Mr. Mittens

Eskimo Pie


When I was a kid there was a constant fight between those who preferred the Eskimo Pie and those who preferred the Dream Bar. If you were headed to the grocery store, you knew you had to make a claim for your favorite or else be forced eating ice cream that didn’t exactly fit your personal taste. Oh, the many ... Read More »

Feathers in the Fridge


The workplace fridge is one of the most disgusting sites on earth. The smell that emanates from it is enough to make dogs tuck tail and run. I suspect the image many of us have of Hell as molten rock and fire is way off base. Hell is a giant workplace fridge you can never escape from. ↓ TranscriptBEARD: Why ... Read More »

Hoop Dreams


It’s kind of funny when a player is superstitious and refuses to change their socks during a winning streak. It’s kind of sad when a fan does the same thing. You hope that they’re just kidding and don’t actually believe they have anything to do with the game. You hope. ↓ TranscriptBILLY: Hey #23, how about shooting the ball at ... Read More »

Cereal Killer


I am a huge fan of sugared cereal. In fact, I’m not sure things without sugar deserve to be called cereal. I suppose they’re basically porridge. I like Froot Loops, Lucky Charms, and assorted other cereals that will surely give me a heart-attack before I’m 40. I’m guessing the fruit in Froot Loops is misspelled for legal reasons, since they ... Read More »

Kryptonite Crosses and Unicorn Tears


At this point, I’m not even sure people care who gets the Republican nomination for President. I think a large majority of people are just being entertained by the best series on television this year. You have plot twists with Herman Cain, and emotional breakdowns with Rick Perry. You have the straight man in Mitt Romney, and the crazy uncle ... Read More »

Christmas for Cats


We always buy our cats some catnip and a toy for Christmas. They almost always get more enjoyment from leftover wrapping paper and empty boxes. There’s probably a lesson on consumerism here. ↓ TranscriptHOBO: It took me all morning, but I finally put away all your Christmas presents,... HOBO: ...picked up all the torn wrapping paper and boxes,... HOBO: ...and ... Read More »

A Kitten Christmas


Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah! Awesome Kwanzaa! Enjoy the holidays, folks. ↓ TranscriptMITTENS: What do you want? KITTEN: Excuse me, Santa Claws, but I'd like a saucer of milk! MITTENS: Beat it! I see children only, because their parents tip. KITTENS: Please? My mom abandoned me and I'm ever so hungry. Read More »

The Economics of Christmas


I’m all for starting educating young, but sometimes people get a bit silly about it. It isn’t that complex economic models don’t matter, it’s just that for a little kid they’re simply not going to make sense, even if mentally they’re capable of understanding the basic concept. Teach them about dinosaurs, poetry, and basic chemistry, instead. ↓ TranscriptKID: Santa Claws, ... Read More »

Santa Claws


Christmas is wonderful, but it sure is stressful with all kinds of things that can go horribly wrong. One such thing that can go horribly wrong is dressing your pets up for the holidays. It isn’t that anything in particular will happen, but it’s more that you simply never should do this. Just like most people should only play Dance ... Read More »

National Audubon Society


I have a cat who I joke has won this award two years running. The idea that the National Audubon Society would attempt to mock one cat a year amuses me. In truth, it must be sort of embarrassing for any cat that goes through life without hunting one other creature successfully. I know that’s why you buy them toy ... Read More »