Sometimes people will dismiss someone as completely undateable. I figure nobody is undateable. There’s just a quality about them that needs to be adjusted. For example, maybe they need to put on a little weight. Or lose a little. Maybe they need to get rich. Or die trying. Maybe they need to be better looking. That usually helps.
Of course, there’s nothing really funny about someone’s life spiraling out of control simply because of one day, but it is funny how much pressure we put on a single day. I’ve known people who would be depressed for a week about Valentine’s Day seeing it as some huge symbol of their failure in life up until that point, and those people were usually nine.
It’s just one day. It carries no more real significance than any other.
The following article is meant solely for entertainment purposes. We do not offer any sort of guarantee along with the advice provided. Use at your own risk. And by risk, we mean getting slapped or having the cops called on you. Both seem likely.
Step 1: Getting the girl
Where are all the girls?
Look, it isn’t that girls don’t play video games or read comic books; it’s just that they don’t do so in disproportionately rabid numbers. So your local comic shop or GameStop is probably not the place to begin your hunt.
So where should I look?
Where do girls congregate?
The bathroom?
Stop it. That’s just creepy.
The makeup counter at Macy’s?
Do you loiter around Marines while they apply their facial camouflage? Nope? Probably impractical here, as well. ↓ Read the rest of this entry…
For some people, it truly is the thought that counts. For others, it’s the thought that went into the thought. Happy Valentine’s Day.
I like the idea of turning fun holidays into learning exercises. I like it even more when those exercises are equally cruel to student and teacher.
I’m always amazed by what companies are able to market and actually sell as “sexy.” Obvious thing like clothing are sold in this manner, but also more peculiar products like shampoo. It must work.
People love to complain about Valentine’s Day up until the point that they have a significant other, and then they simply complain about having to shop for Valentine’s Day. Personally, I prefer to use it as a way to judge my wife’s expectations. If I buy her half a dozen roses and she gets upset because she expected a full dozen? Well, her expectations are just too high and the next year will be used to bring them more into line.
I fully expect to be single by next Valentine’s Day.
People of small stature are a group you’re never quite sure what to call. You don’t want to use midget or dwarf, because you’re really not sure of what the technical differences are. You don’t want to say little person either, because somehow it seems wrong. Probably best to fall back on what we all do when we don’t know someone’s name–hey you!
Jimmy looks incredibly uncomfortable holding that bra.
JUSTIN: coming soon
OFTEN MISSED: coming soon
APPEARING:
Professor Hobo
Megan
Mr. Mittens
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