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Tag Archives: Evil Beard

Mad Men

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Accepting the character of Don Draper in the first place is a bit of fantasy. He’s about as realistic as Jack Bauer, and not just because they’re both TV characters. What I always find interesting are the types of people who will compare themselves to these types of fictional characters. I question their tentative grasp on reality. ↓ TranscriptKLOWNUS: I've ... Read More »

Rigging the Olympics

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It does seem odd that humans progressively get faster. Sure, technology like running shoes is getting better, but certainly at some point there’s got to be a wall humans hit, right? We can’t continuously get better forever, can we? ↓ TranscriptBEARD: Are you watching the Olympics? KLOWNUS: No, it's all rigged. KLOWNUS: For the past hundred years people have been ... Read More »

Third Cousin Twice Removed

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I notice that whenever someone begins talking about their extended family they either state things like third cousin twice removed with the kind of confidence that would make you think they had a doctorate in familial relationships, or they stutter their way through with a look of desperate hope that someone might know better than them their own family. I ... Read More »

Cable in the Classroom

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There are few experiences more frustrating than calling someone to install or repair something. I understand the need for time windows, as no two repair services are the same. Still, one thinks you could narrow that window just a bit. This is especially frustrating when they don’t even show up within that window. If it’s something trivial like cable television, ... Read More »

We Can Send A Man to the Moon

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People love to put down the fields of others. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s all about ego and all, but honestly it just seems bizarre at times. Anyone halfway intelligent can see the difficulty in fields not their own, and they also wouldn’t be so insecure about their intellect. Which makes it a fun quick tipoff of someone’s insecurity when ... Read More »

Cotton Candy

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The first time I saw an ad for Golden Corral’s cotton candy buffet I assumed it had to be a joke. The second time I realized it must be something far more sinister. ↓ TranscriptHOBO: Did you see that Golden Corral is now offering cotton candy on their all you can eat buffet? BEARD: Do they hate their customers? BEARD: ... Read More »

The Television We Deserve

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I often see this opinion expressed that television is dumbed down for the masses. What people hate to hear is that they are the masses. Nobody wants House or CSI to be 100% authentic, or they’d be boring messes that only people with medical degrees could follow. ↓ TranscriptTREY: Television would be better if shows were written for nerds. BEARD: ... Read More »

How to Improve College

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Any meeting where suggestions are asked for is always a trap. Authority figures never want suggestions. They want parroting. It is, however, humorous when someone gets confused and thinks they really want feedback. ↓ TranscriptCZAR: Our enrollment numbers are down. How can we increase our numbers? BEARD: Higher tuition! HOBO: Larger classes! KLOWNUS: Fewer majors! CZAR: Are you making some ... Read More »

Storage Wars

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I imagine there’s a great deal of overlap between the fan bases of Storage Wars and To Catch a Predator. Just a hunch. ↓ TranscriptKLOWNUS: I've been watching a lot of Storage Wars lately. I decided to try mu luck and bought this locker for $400 sight unseen. HOBO: Aren't you worried about what's inside? KLWONUS: Worst case scenario I ... Read More »

Home Remodel

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Lowe’s and Home Depot must love HGTV, as it falsely convinces everyone that they can handle a home remodel. Contractors must love the business of coming in and cleaning up the mess people make of their homes. Everyone wins! ↓ TranscriptBEARD: Why are you destroying your house? KLOWNUS: I've been watching a lot of HGTV, so I'm remodeling it. BEARD: ... Read More »